Down in Looeasyanna...

[GAHorn]

Emery live across de bayou from Clarence, who he don like at all. Dey all de time yell across de bayou at each other. Emery would yell to Clarence, "If I had a way to cross dis bayou, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah!"

Dis went on for years. Finally de state done built a bridge across dat bayou right by dere houses; and Emery's wife, Marie, say, "Now is you chance, Emery. Why don you go over der an beat up dat Clarence like you say?"

Emery say, "OK," and start across de bridge, but he see a sign on de bridge an he stop to read it and den he go back home.

Marie say, "Why you back so soon?"

And Emery say, "Marie, I dun change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know Marie, dey got a sign on dat dere bridge dat say, 'Clarence 13 ft. 6 in.' You know, he don look near dat big when I yell at him across de bayou."

[flyguy]

Boudreaux calls the doctor and says, "Doc, doc, my wife Marie is in labor and da contractions are only two minutes apart!" The doctor asked, "Is this her first child?" Boudreaux he yell in da phone, "No, you idiot, this a me Boudreaux, her husban!"

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Boudreaux he pickin up some farwood an stuck a big mesquite thorn under his fingernail. So, he wait three or two days den it fester up real good so he went to see the Doctor. The Old Doc say, "Ut is infected and for sure Boudreaux, takin it out isa gonna hurt! I'm gone deaden it by sticking a little needle with some Novocaine in your finger." Boudreaux he say Doc I don't need no needle, just go on an pull it out." The Docor says "Boudreaux meebe you doant unnerstan dat itsa gone hurt reely reely bad!" Boudreaux say Hey Doc, dat's ok, I done had the two worsest pains dere is in the world already." Sos the Doctor tells his nurse, " If he get squirmin too much, you jes git a hold onto him real strong!" But ole Boudreaux, even tho hesa sweating bee bees for sure he holds ver still all dat time. When the Doctor finally gets the big thorn out. he axe Boudreaux, "I just wouldn't believe you stand dat so now you tell me what was the two worst pains in the world worser than that? " Boudreaux say "Well doc I wen duck huntin' a while backan ima sneakin along the edge of de bayou swamp when here come some ducks. I squat down in de weeds to hide when one of them big ole beaver traps snap-up me right on da cajonies!! Whooie I tole you dat was the second worst pain I ever feel in the world"!! The docteur say "Whooie ya!! "Boudreaux dat musta hurt some bad huh! But what could be worser than dat"? Boudreaux said "For sure itsa happen when I hits the end of dat chain tyin dat trap to dat cypress tree"!