Your Duck is Dead!

[canav8]

A woman brought a very limp duck into the veterinary hospital. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the ducks chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said"I'm sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,"Are you sure?"

"yes I'm sure. Your duck is dead" replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something!"

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs,put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up to the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet petted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later, he returned with a cat. The cat jumped onto the table also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head,meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, $150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it is now $150!"

[GAHorn]

Thinkin' about ducks...made me fondly recall a certain, spirited exchange with our old friend Joe and his story about "Waddles". A little background first:

The discussion was about the relative usefulness of vortex-generators (VG's) on a ragwing:

QWOTING HORN:
My fren' from Looeasyana tole me "They are like knobs on a Nawlin's rubber----- They might feel good to put 'em on and might benefit the person who sold them, but compared to being naked they don't do much for you."

SEE JOE. I DINT START THIS. OLE GEORGE HE JES CONTNULY GITS THANGS RONG. IMMA GONNA HAF TU STRATEN IM OUT SUM DAY SOON AGIN. I TRIED TO TOLE HIM LOTS UV STUFF AN THAS IS ALL WHUT HE REE MEMBERS? SEE HE THINKS THU NOBS GO ONNA INSIDE!

AN U BETTER GO TO BED TOO. CURL UP BY THAT FAR AN SEE HOW MUCH SLEEP U GIT BETWEEN 3:34 AM AN WHEN I CALL U AT 6!

About then somehow, the conversation took a turn, using cold alligators to describe how some things just don't work too good.

IFN I GOTTA SUPPLY LONG UNNERWARE FER THEM GATORS ITSA GONNA COST YU TOO MUCH. GATORS JES DOANT OPERAT TOO GOOD UNNER 85 DEGREES AN IF YU NEVER TRIED TO PUT UNNERWARE ON A GATOR YOU GOT SUM LERNIN COMIN.

JOE ITSA GONNA TAKE A HELL UV A DREAM TU GIT THAT THANG STRATE! AN IFFN I CAN GIT MAH DARLIN TO FLY HER OWN SELF IMA GONNA FLY THE FLOATER.

HA, long underwear on a gator! My daughter and I have a pet duck Waddles. Megan kept asking if the duck could come in the house, my reply was that the duck was too messey! My girlfriend Squirl got Megan an adult diaper and my ok that with a diaper on, the duck could come into the house for a while. Wish I would have filmed the battle that took place for a few hours between a 12 year old girl and a duck that did not want a diaper on! THE DUCK WON - EASY! My bet is on the gator no matter how many people there are.

On a non-constant level lake in Central Texas lived many ducks. One duck in particular caught George's eye. Everywhere this duck went, he pulled along behind him this chain with a wierd shaped object glued to every fifth link. Finally, George couldn't stand it any longer and he confronted the duck. "Why do you pull that chain with those things on it everywhere you go?" George asked. "Are you CRAZY? Have you ever tried to push one of these things?" replied the duck.

There was a small country store where most customers had charge accounts, and paid their bills monthly when the livestock was sold at market.
One day Joe's duck walked into the store and waddled up to the storekeeper and asked for a package of condoms.
The storekeeper placed them on the counter and asked, "Shall I place these on your bill?"
"No", Waddles replied. "I'm not that kind of duck!"

[cessna170bdriver]

One day George walked into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender asked why he would come into a bar that way. The duck said "It started out as a wart on my butt, and I just can't get rid of it."

[GAHorn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkbKjtuN ... re=related